40 posts tagged “music is my boyfriend”

"Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve."

Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails

I admit it;  for all of my griping about my last Nine Inch Nails show, the announcement of the NIN/JA tour and Trent's ominous "after this, Nine Inch Nails is going away indefinitely" blog had me glued to my computer on presale day, determined not to miss what might be my last chance at seeing a band that shaped my musical landscape from my teens forward.  As much as I like to think that Trent's choice of words indicates that he will continue to make music, albeit released from the box of expectations associated with the NIN brand, I fear Trent has grown tired of the bullshit of the industry and fickle fans unwilling to embrace anything new.  This astonishes me, as I'm of the opinion that The Slip was one of Trent's strongest albums to date;  it delivered hard rocking tracks with biting lyrics, danceable tracks for nights at the rock club, and haunting melancholy pieces.  Its one weakness perhaps is Corona Radiata, which isn't terrible, but is not up to par with other instrumental works he's done.

With this tour, a co-headliner with the reunited original line-up of Jane's Addiction, Trent has been treating fans to more varied sets night to night, a ban on the omnipresent Closer (a shame, since there are other songs far more in need of retirement, like Hurt), and breaking out songs that have been scarcely/never seen live.  With minimal instrumental tracks, a plain stage show without visual effects typical for NIN tour set-ups and NIN NOT headlining, it was a very different animal from recent tours.  That said, I'd have to declare this the best of the three shows I've seen.

This show, with a few set insertions/switches (Somewhat Damaged in lieu of March of the Pigs; The Wretched in lieu of I Do Not Want This; Dead Souls in lieu of Burn, which I love but have heard), was custom-designed from my dreams.  Sure, I could have easily embraced other songs not played, but all of them have been done for me before, so I very easily will live.  There were no instrumentals, no long periods of Ghost tracks, no weak songs.  The set was incredibly hard and up-tempo.  Best of all, I was graced with my favourite track of all, The Fragile.  My set staples (Terrible Lie; Head Like A Hole; Gave Up) all made it that night, and the brain-dead clapping spider monkeys that ruined Hurt at my last show did not attend, it seems.  Trent threw down microphone stands and his keyboard, tripped and fell in his angsty vigor, and generally belted his heart and soul out, with an extremely poignant whispered "Goodbye" as he left the stage.  I truly feel the lack of restriction and repetition that comes with more elaborately staged tours did wonders for the performance in Toronto.  If Trent is to return, with a new project or with NIN, I hope he leans towards a loosely structured stage show in the future.

The entire show was pretty much a highlight, but I'll point out a few tracks here that really stood out for me:

1,000,000:  This track is stellar, classic Broken-esque NIN.  How anyone can slag The Slip with this brilliant song being on the disc, I do not know.  Coming off Terrible Lie into this track made for vicious headbanging delight.

Heresy:  I'd never heard this one live, and it was incredibly good, a great crowd sing-along for the chorus in my area of the theatre. 

I'm Afraid Of Americans:  Despite my assuming that the earlier appearance of Metal would be our only cover of the night, in hindsight, this song's appearance shouldn't have surprised me at the one Canadian date of the tour.  Trent really poured himself into this Bowie track, pretty much blowing the minds of the entire audience.

The Fragile:  This song has an inredible significance to my own life, and did not disappoint me.  The vocal delivery was appropriately soft at the start, growing in strength towards the peak at the end.  Why oh why did I not see the tour for this album?  It made for an incredible transition from I Do Not Want This, the contrast sharp between it and "Don't you tell me how I feel..."

Mr. Self-Destruct:  This song was too hot for words.  I'd never heard this either, and it's a favourite from The Downward Spiral for me.  I think this was the track where I completely screwed the muscles in my shoulders and neck rocking out.  It was worth it.

Head Like A Hole:  Way back in grade ten, on the bus for a school trip next to my oblivious History class crush, said crush offered to share his headphones with me after I said I had never heard Nine Inch Nails.  His mix tape of personal favourites began with this song, and from moment one, I was hooked.  This needed to be in my goodbye show as a full circle moment.  I actually found myself rather emotional, knowing the set was closing as my fandom had begun.

Hurt:  I'm kind of tired of this song overall, but in the context of a goodbye tour, with such a fragility to Trent's vocals (and no off beat clapping), this moved me. 

Well done, Mr. Reznor.  Well done, indeed.  Please don't go away for good.  Enjoy your break, renew and revive your creativity, and I'm sure I speak for every fan who's attended this tour when I say I hope we see you again soon.

For the record, opener Street Sweeper Social Club was incredible, and I highly recommend you hit ninja2009.com and download the sampler for this tour, which includes all three bands on the bill.  Due to work constraints I had to bail halfway through Jane's Addiction;s set but I have to say Perry Farrell is an incredible showman and their performance was tight.  Check them out too!

SETLIST

Now I'm Nothing
Terrible Lie
1,000,000
Heresy
March of the Pigs
Metal (Gary Numan)
The Becoming
I'm Afraid of Americans (Bowie)
Burn
Gave Up
I Do Not Want This
The Fragile
The Way Out Is Through
Wish
Survivalism
Mr. Self-Destruct
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like A Hole

Hurt

Relevant in so many ways...  Today would have been my grandfather's 70th birthday, if he lived to see it.  And just as I was at a concert as he was passing slowly on, I will be at this band's show in 15 hours...  For every loss, death or heartbreak, this speaks to me now.

Lights in the Sky - The Slip - NIN

Everyone has a relationship, where things fluctuate, where things ebb and flow...  And yet, it's meant to be.  Or so you think. 

But life has a way of upending things, of turning them on their heads and making yours spin into oblivion.  Life has a way of leaving you standing alone, clinging to desperate wanting, desperate inner pleas inside your mind.  You feel, so clearly, that to part will forever haunt you both.  But there you are, turning around slowly and walking away from the one thing you wanted to hold onto, the one thing that mattered.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - The Scientist

Everyone wants to erase and rewind.  Everyone wants that second chance.  Sometimes, people just aren't willing to choose it.  They say if you love something, you set it free;  if it's meant to be yours, it will return again.  I have never set someone free before with that aspiration, with that intent.  When I have set someone free, it is usually because I cannot give them what they need or deserve, or they cannot ever measure up for me, so to string them along is cruelty.  I have tasted the bitterness of setting free someone you would shackle yourself to, if you believed it would be a fruitful way to hang on to their light, and there is nothing worse.  It taints everything:  food, drink, sleep.  You look in the mirror with loathing, with incredulous eyes wondering how you could do such a thing.

Logan & Veronica - Epic

Love isn't supposed to be sunshine and kittens,  It isn't supposed to be blissful and easy.  Love - true love, enduring love - is work.  Love is loving the flaws, and not merely criticizing but wanting, more than anything, to watch another person grow to become the potential within, that dream they are afraid to reach out and take hold of.  After all, no one writes songs about the ones that come easy. 

But one person cannot work alone.  The pyramids were not built by a single person, and nor is a good love.  It's foolish to believe that you can hold the weight of the world upon your shoulders and not break your back eventually, no longer able to stand from the agony of that loneliness.

Sometimes, to understand what we have, we must lose it, or risk that loss.  My only wish now, is for understanding.

Veronica Mars: I Hope Your Heart Runs Empty (LoVe)

It always comes back to music for me.

Music is my soundtrack to all of life's events, both trivial and tantamount to shaping who have become and am becoming.  Music fuels me when nothing else can motivate me to keep pressing forward.  Music makes me laugh, and cry.  Music is cathartic, especially live.  As Third Eye Blind once sang, "The four right chords could make me cry." 

Music is there, even when it's 4am and no one's answering their phone or online.  Music is fun and silly, and intelligent and challenging.  Music can evoke a mood, or change it for the better.

Music is my oxygen.

Music can also take me back, certain songs triggering memories so succinctly that they feel real again, feel as if the events were unfolding right this moment.  I can close my eyes and remember it all:  the way I felt, how cold or warm I was, who was there and what we did.  Certain lyrics will forever affect me, forever connect to certain people or places.  Such is the case with Pictures of Success by Rilo Kiley.  In late 2007, I suddenly found myself feeling suffocated by life, by my failed aspirations, by my own mood swings, and by the illnesses in my family, namely my grandfather and father.  I had to escape.  I had to leave town and recharge completely.

In the end, with a lot of luck, as if the universe understood what I was in need of, I found myself in California right before my birthday, and spent the actual day slinging back margaritas with some of my best friends in the world on a patio in Tijuana.  It was perfect weather for me - late spring temperatures for my home city, with sunny skies and breeze.  Everything about that trip was exactly as I wanted it to be.  In the entire month of November, I'd blared Pictures of Success over and over, as if willing the fates to work out, singing along:  "They say California is a recipe for a black hole/And I say I've got my best shoes on/I'm ready to go..."  And I was ready.  I walked away from that trip in late December, turning to my boyfriend and saying, "That was what I needed.  I feel strong again.  I feel ready to cope now." 

That was December 17th, 2007.  By December 1st, 2008, my foreboding feelings over my grandfather had proven terribly true, with my grandfather going from back pain to heart attack to cancer to terminal to passing away.  So much can happen in a year, much more than we ever anticipate.  I dare not consider how well I would have handled that year without that time in the sun, to breathe in the ocean air and revive myself. 

And even now, as I miss him terribly, that song drifts into my head, to remind me of that strength I found.  I wish I had a plane ticket now;  I'm definitely ready to go, once more. 

Something Corporate Live Ventura DvD Konstantine

Sometimes, I'm late to the musical party, and this song is one instance of that.  I have liked Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin for a while now, but I only finally heard this, one of the more infamous songs by SoCo, as the fangirls call them, in the last few months.

I'm in love with this version in particular.  There's something about the delivery, about the moment, that breaks my heart and reminds me of timeless, epic love, the sort that withstands everything that the world throws at it.  It reminds me of my grandparents and the love they shared, the love my grandmother keeps alive through her memories.  It's the sort of love that can burn out if not tended carefully, as Andrew sings.

I worry and fear that my love will burn out, turn to ashes, leaving me dreaming in a living room, missing my own Konstantine.  I worry this will be the story of my life, for I am a fire, always burning embers waiting to ignite with the right fuel.  But if I become the one burned, a song this beautiful would win me back. 

What music blog is complete without a yearly wrap-up on the releases of the year that stood out, for positive or negative reasons?

Admittedly, I have not been as in touch with the releases of the year and must preface this entry with stating that there are going to be glaring omissions from this list. Life has kept me from music this year, be it keeping me from concerts I wished to see, keeping me from the time to listen to albums I want to hear, or making it difficult to listen to certain artists without feeling uncomfortable. However, I do have several albums upon which to rave or rant, so here's what you get.

This was a year where my stalwart music artists took the backseat for others, where single songs possessed my devoted attention, while albums were generally shunned. It was a year of nostalgia, as I turned to older favourites for comfort in trying times. But beyond that, I found this year's music lacklustre and not to my liking, perhaps due to the concentration of artists in genres I'm not fond of. For several months, I was “off music”, something that has never happened before to me. It was disorienting, to say the least.

The concerts I saw this year were fewer than I would have liked, but none of them disappointed. All of them delivered beyond my hopes and expectations. It was a year of seeing new artists and old favourites. If I were to rank a top five of shows I saw this year, it would go a little something like this:

5. Rilo Kiley at The Phoenix: Solid set, great energy, tight openers including Thao Nugyen

4. Paramore with Jack's Mannequin at The Kool Haus: Amazing energy, three solid openers, and Jack's Mannequin renewed my love for Andrew McMahon

3. Melissa Etheridge at Massey Hall: Three hours of non-stop, high energy music with powerful and moving banter between songs. A first time for me with Melissa and hopefully not the last.

2. Matthew Good at Massey Hall: This man never disappoints me with his intense delivery on every song, his caustic wit and his genius songwriting. So grateful this became a live album.

1. Amanda Palmer at The Mod Club: It had every element going for it – incredible setlist, stellar performance, fabulous openers, and incredible theatrics and stage presence. Easily one of the best performances I've seen Amanda give (and I have 8 other points of reference).

And now, without further ado, here we go with my personal 'awards' for 2008:

Album That Sends Me Into Fits Of 80's Nostalgia: Saturdays=Youth by M83. This album is utterly fantastic, with tracks like Couleurs, Highway of Endless Dreams and Skin of the Night leading the charge into a soundscape that evoked Erasure meets Conjure One meets Arcade Fire's intelligent layering and music craft. I easily find myself lost within the tracks of this album in a way that lands on par with Explosions In The Sky and Max Richter.

The Album That Lived Up To The Hype: Donkey by CSS. I'm not much of a trend follower, and even the critical darling pieces often leave me cold (see: You Say Party, We Say Die!; most of Radiohead's post-OK Computer output; Coldplay's discography). CSS however live up to the excitement, and Donkey is just so much fun to dance around to, one can't resist it. There's not a single bad track, although some are stronger than others. I'm fond of Believe Achieve, Jager Yoga and Let's Reggae All Night, myself.

Reviving The Now Crowded Male Singer-Songwriter Folkie Genre: Charmed and Strange by Yoav. I first had a taste of Yoav's music as he opened for Tori Amos' American Doll Posse tour in 2007. At first, I took one look at a lone guy and a guitar and immediately wondered how Tori kept finding Howie Day part nauseum. Yoav, however, is far more clever as a lyricist, and his musical palette is more acoustic Red Paintings than Jason Mraz. Adore, Adore, There Is Nobody, and the soulful One By One set Yoav miles ahead of a crowded field.

Bringing The LOLZ To Musicals: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Joss Whedon remains my master after he cleverly proves that you can give a product away for free and then sell it... and make a profit! Neil Patrick Harris singing about freeze rays? An Evil League of Evil run by Bad Horse? Each song is so silly and fun, I can't help myself. Once More With Feeling was one of Joss' finest Buffy hours. Perhaps he should write an actual musical, complete with ridiculous stage sets? I can dream!

The Slightly Guilty Musical Theatre Junkie's Pleasure: I Stand by Idina Menzel. Are some of the lyrics cliched? Sure. Are some of them dripping with the saccharine Celine Dion is famous for? Hell yes. Does Idina kick ass and take names vocally, making the album enjoyable all the same? You bet your (tattooed) ass. Check out Brave, I Stand, I Feel Everything.

Solid But Sorta Overrated: Third by Portishead. This is where gasps of indignant objection begin. I am not, let me stress not implying Third isn't a solid album of quality music, good news for a band that took such an extended hiatus. But on repeated listenings over time, I can't say the album stands out enough as a whole to make me want to listen to it over and over. Some tracks are absolutely stunning (We Carry On; Silence; Nylon Smile), while the others are solid but not worth the prostrating critics gave it. I coin this Radiohead syndrome.

Letdown of the Year: Acid Tongue by Jenny Lewis. When Rilo Kiley's Under The Blacklight came out, my personal theory for the album not being to par with their previous outings was that Jenny and Blake were both 'holding back' for their solo projects. Unfortunately, that may have not been the case with Jenny. It's not a bad album, per se; tracks like Jack Killed Mom and Pretty Bird resonate with me. It's just not memorable; each song blends into the next, lacking the wordplay jabs and sonic shifts throughout Rabbit Fur Coat.

Best Album That's Not Really An Album: No, Virginia by The Dresden Dolls. Consisting of outtakes and old live favourites finally recorded for official release, No,Virginia feels rather all over the place at times. But when viewed as a b-sides/rarities collection, this is acceptable, and the quality of the material is enough to enjoy it. Dear Jenny, Mouse and the Model, The Gardener, Lonesome Organist Rapes Page Turner... All the typical fun and punk cabaret you'd expect from the Dresden Dolls.

Best Return To & Reinvention of Roots: The Slip by Nine Inch Nails. Is Trent in angsty form? Oh yes. Do I detect a strong flavour of the 80's tinged Depeche Mode-ness of Pretty Hate Machine? Yes, yes I do. Does this album deliver both rocking and despairing tracks with a lyrical flavour that feel more self-aware and self-mocking than self-loathing? Damn right it does. I love this album rather passionately, and offer you 1,000,000, Discipline, Demon Seed and Letting You as the places to start your love affair.

Favourite Local Album: Meeting The Future At Full Speed by Karen Kosowski. I've already covered this album in extensive detail in this blog, but it deserves its mention here. Karen remains one of my favourites among the Toronto-area indie artists I've come to know and love, and this album only builds on her previous stellar album, Out Here At Sea. Earnest and hopeful, its electro-pop vibe will leave you humming your way through the day, even at its darkest.

And now, *drum roll* the big awards...

Best Album of the Year (live): Live At Massey Hall by Matthew Good. After such an extensive catalogue, it was long overdue that the raw emotional intensity of Matthew Good be captured for prosperity on CD, and this disc is special in that, other than edits to correct lost audio the night of, it is an uncorrected live album. Having been at the show it was recorded at, it takes me back to one of the best concerts I saw this year. The set strongly slants towards Hospital Music material, which to me is one of his very best albums. In light of the loss of my grandfather to cancer, 99% Of Us Is Failure hits particularly hard and is one of the highlights of the 2 disc set. Many songs are much richer live (She's In It For The Money is painful to listen to because of the raw pain in Matt's delivery; A Single Explosion closes on a haunting powerful note), which makes this album a must have for fans and a fantastic introduction to his genius.

Best Album Of The Year (studio): Who Killed Amanda Palmer by Amanda Palmer. I've been with Amanda since a friend encouraged me to download Girl Anachronism in 2002, and I am with her for the long haul. I dearly love her work within the dynamic of The Dresden Dolls, love the playful cabaret feel of the drums and piano coupled with incisive and something darkly amusing lyrics. This album bring those elements of lyrical finesse and dark humour, but it also brings a more personal, deeper look into the human condition with songs like Strength Through Music and Have To Drive. Coupled with Ben Folds' guiding advice (the usage of a very raw demo vocal for Leeds United was a brilliant move that only adds to the song) and the gorgeous strings created for the album, Who Killed Amanda Palmer is the album Amanda was born to write, and the one album that you must try, no matter what preconceptions you may have of The Dresden Dolls or Amanda herself. Get started with Astronaut, Leeds United, Guitar Hero, Another Year and Have To Drive.

And now, a few older discs worth mentioning...

Rediscovery of the Year: Act I: Goodbye Friends of the Heavenly Bodies by Neverending White Lights. An album from 2005, it's always been one I have endorsed to fellow music lovers. The ethereal moody feel of Daniel Victor's compositions, complimented by haunting and heartbreaking lyrics performed by a who's who of the Canadian alt rock scene, this album crept up on me and demanded centre stage in 2008. The lyrics weave a set of stories about loss and love that interconnect subtly, adding a delicious cohesion. Sample The Grace, I Hope Your Heart Runs Empty or From What I Once Was.

Better Late To The Party Than Never:  Kala by M.I.A. I'm not generally a girl who goes for hip hop, rap or R&B; it's just not my scene. The odd song will catch my ear, but nothing that has me buying a CD, not since Salt N Pepa's Very Necessary. But with Kala, M.I.A. has created something so utterly fun and sassy, one can't help but be drawn in. Paper Planes caught me, hook, line and gunshot sample, and that has led to an affair with $20, Come Around and XR2. Where was I in '92? Wishing for music this ridiculously enjoyable!

Better Late To The Party Than Never, Part Two:  The Awakening by Melissa Etheridge. Passed a copy of this by a friend prior to my live experience with Melissa, it's fast become an album dear to my heart and almost a metaphor for my entire year. While some may find the spiritual elements a little off-putting (there is some God mentions, but most of it is general spiritual belief), it's an incredible testament to the journey Melissa went through emotionally as she battled breast cancer. There are scathing political references as well, fitting in light of this election year, and songs of regret and heartbreak. But the end feeling is one of being able to rise above everything, if we believe that all can be possible, and that there is something larger than us. A solid, well-written album that doesn't have a single dud to it.