22 posts tagged “song of the week”
Or did the words just spill out like drool on my pillow?
Because I was naked when you said those words
But I felt covered in your whispered worship
And as you passed out fast on my shoulder
I imagined a child
Waiting so sad and still for his mom to arrive
Did she leave you an orphan
In that big brown leather chair?
Said, “ Don't you move a muscle, kid
I'll be back in twenty years”
You were scared, you were lonely
But you must've been aware
Life is a series of callouses, this is just another layer
So build them up, tough it out, yeah, that's your skin
Don't let anyone under there
When you said you needed me, did you really need me?
Or was it just someone? Oh, you'd take anything
Am I first on that list of yours, or am I second, or third?
So who's that ahead of me, some harlot from Pittsburgh?
Or Detroit, Santa Fe, or San Diego?
I know you're so alone
But how much affection does one guy really need?
Did you date a lot in high school?
Were you always chasing girls?
Couldn't you find some young valentine
To steal your heart for good?
Were you content, or contemptible?
Are your memories pleasant?
Or is it a string of endless flings of bitter resentment?
Seems that what you want and what you need doesn't mean a thing
We're just here for the taking
When you said you'd hurt me, did you think you hurt me?
Are you really that cocky? Oh, what a heartbreaker!
Well, I've got my armor, yeah, I've been through some battles before
And I met your old girlfriend, she said, “Baby, don't bother”
She told me you told her you'd hurt her
Funny, how familiar
So how much of this relationship was rehearsed?
Did you act out as a child?
Were you always crying wolf?
Attention starved, you tried too hard
Just to get someone to look
Now you're the wolf in second-hand clothing
I'm the sheep in a pleated skirt
It's an awkward form of payback
But if it works for you it works
It's that I recognize your off-white lies
Still, I lie beside you, and that's what really hurts
When you said you'd leave me, well, why haven't you left me?
What are we still doing here, so desperate for company?
There's a greyhound on Jackson Street
There's an airport in Council Bluffs
Hell, there's a car in the driveway; fifty ways to get lost
But as I hold you and listen to you sleeping
I'm starting to wonder if you really believe
That you'd ever really leave
Would you leave me an orphan
In that big brown leather chair?
The one you've lugged around from town to town
For all these years
It's the trophy of your childhood
Like a shark's tooth or gator skin boots
But this one holds you prisoner; it holds me prisoner too
What we need to set us free is to let go of each other
Let go of everything
When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you
When I said I needed you, well, I really need you
Yeah, I guess you hurt me
For once you're a man of your words
Well, guess what? I'm leaving
I can't be your prisoner
I won't.."
Inmates - The Good Life
away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
I've been like one of those zombies
in vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now I'm tired
and I am broke
and I feel stupid and I feel used
and I'm at the end of my little rope
and I am swinging back and forth
about you
before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
I'd like to know
like how could you do nothing
and say, I'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as I agreed?"
Done Wrong - Ani Difranco
Sometimes, I'm late to the musical party, and this song is one instance of that. I have liked Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin for a while now, but I only finally heard this, one of the more infamous songs by SoCo, as the fangirls call them, in the last few months.
I'm in love with this version in particular. There's something about the delivery, about the moment, that breaks my heart and reminds me of timeless, epic love, the sort that withstands everything that the world throws at it. It reminds me of my grandparents and the love they shared, the love my grandmother keeps alive through her memories. It's the sort of love that can burn out if not tended carefully, as Andrew sings.
I worry and fear that my love will burn out, turn to ashes, leaving me dreaming in a living room, missing my own Konstantine. I worry this will be the story of my life, for I am a fire, always burning embers waiting to ignite with the right fuel. But if I become the one burned, a song this beautiful would win me back.
This is the anthem of 2009, I have decided. Each year seems to become about a certain mood or song, for me. For 2005, it was Common People by Pulp. For 2006, it came down to Fly Away by Poe. For 2007, it became about You Look So Fine by Garbage. 2008 was 99% Of Us Is Failure by Matthew Good.
But this year, I am going to rise from the ashes of the sorrow of 2008, as any good Phoenix should do. In 2003, I understood it so clearly, the message I fought to embrace even as I tattooed a symbolic reminder of it on my back: I'm alive. I survived. I will always survive. If the past I have endured already has not killed me, nothing will. It's given me blows that left me gasping and bleeding, figuratively and literally, and I have always found that elusive light to follow out of the dark.
This song reached out to me later in 2008, and rings truer than ever. It rings true for several of my friends, fellow survivors who surely, as I do, need to be reminded in darker hours that they too have survived.
There are stories we will never tell, stories from the hell we have endured. Some stories burn so deeply that only the scar remains to testify, for there are no words to articulate it. The past, it may haunt us, voices whispering in the back of our heads as the sun sets on another day. But the sun will rise, and the light will shine again. And even in the dark, the moon lies near to guide us.
This is my resolution.
525, 000 journeys to plan
525, 600 minutes
How can you a measure the life of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned or the way that she died..."
Seasons Of Love - Rent
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed..."
Thief - Our Lady Peace
"I let the beast in too soon, I don't know how to live
Without my hand on his throat; I fight him always and still
Oh darling, it's so sweet, you think you know how crazy
How crazy I am
You say you don't spook easy, you won't go, but I know
And I pray that you will
Fast as you can, baby runfree yourself of me
Fast as you can
I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
So if you catch me trying to find my way into your
Heart from under your skin
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can..."
Fast As You Can - Fiona Apple
It's often said that with age comes wisdom, that time heals all wounds, that we grow and mature...
I suppose that's how it's supposed to play out, but I can't say that holds completely true for myself. With every step forward. I find myself falling three backwards, or so it seems. With every kind gesture, I find myself fearibng the day I spitefully act towards the giver, shoving them forcefully back with words so harsh they wish they hadn't tried, all the while finding myself choking on and swallowing my foot, hoping the Heimlich fails this time.
Such venom from such supposedly pretty things is nature's way of being sneaky, of fooling us all. Is this natural then, or am I struggling to force it into a box, compartmentalize it neatly, and call a spade a diamond?
It took so long to get here
Now I'm saying things I swore I'd never say
and I'm afraid again
I thought I had it in me
I used to be so sure
There I was stronger than ever
And here I am blaming the hurt
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire
in my heart..."
If I Fall - Tara Maclean
This song is the leading track on an album that has been a 'desert island' album for me for years, and though I often wander away from Tara Maclean at times, in the times where I'm just flat on the ground, needing to pick myself back up, I usually wind my way through her first two release, Silence (a brutal album of depressing songs, raging songs, and bittersweet love) and then move on to Passenger, lead off by IF I Fall, a song that always makes me want to arrange a road trip with friends and escape whatever has me buckled over weeping. The song feels like an answer to all of the soul searching and worry of her first disc, and is, as Tara once said, one of her few truly "happy songs".
Because really, when it comes down to it in the end, we all have to save ourselves. We all have to remember that we have picked ourselves up before, and continue to do so, the memories of our pains burned into our hearts like scars that will not heal, and yet buoyed by the knowledge that the wounds are survivable.
Dedicated to my Nanny....
Bravely you let go of my hand
I can't speak yet you understand
Where I go now I go alone
This path I walk these days of stone
[Chorus:]
I must go away
Wait for me here
Silently stay
And don't ask me why
Only believe
This is not good bye
All of my strength all my desire
Still cannot melt this breath of fire
I go to meet some kind of test
Bury the truth that scars my chest
And the angels are calling and calling
[Chorus]
I gathered all my courage
I shaved off all my fear
With this banner on my shoulder
I hold your essence near
And the angels are calling and calling and calling
[Chorus]
This Is Not Goodbye - Melissa Etheridge
